Those Nights
by Miss Fenway
Summary: No matter what happened, they had each other and that made everything worth it.  NO SLASH!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N. I haven't written anything since I finished "How to Save a Life" because I was dealing with another slight bout of depression and I had trouble writing anything that involved death or dying. I'm still struggling a little because of some things going on so "TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY" is still on hold. I'm sorry to anyone who has been waiting for it, I just haven't been in the right frame of mind to write anything about death and I want that story to be as close to perfect as possible. Anyway, this is going to be a four-shot based off of the song, "Those Nights" by Skillet. The second and fourth chapters will include the lyrics but I definitely recommend listening to the song anyway. It's one I'm sure most of us can relate to. I know I can and because of that I have a very special place in my heart for it. I think it's very encouraging and inspirational because it makes me think of the good in my life and how it outweighs the bad, and how my friends have helped me get through some really rough times. Well, I've talked for long enough. Here it is! I don't own anything.**

Kendall tried to block out the voices coming from downstairs so he could concentrate on his homework. But it was no use. They were only getting louder. His mother and father were fighting _again_ and this time it was a bad argument. The ten-year-old couldn't remember how it had first started but now he could hear his father shouting something about how his job paid for the bills and his mother was crying saying that they needed him at home more often. That's how it usually went. They started arguing about something silly and then it escalated until Kendall was sure that the whole neighborhood could hear them.

"Kendall and Katie are growing up and you're missing all of it!" Jennifer Knight interrupted her husband's rant about bills and work. "You don't have to be away from home 24/7 to pay for everything. Things aren't that bad, Jeffery!"

"How would you know?" Jefferey shot back, slamming his fist into the kitchen table. He would never hit his wife and she would never hit him, but their words were doing enough damage. "When was the last time you looked at the bills, Jennifer?"

_Jefferey. Jennifer. _Kendall cringed. They only called each other by their full named when they were really mad. Tears filled his eyes and he glanced over to the framed photo that sat on his desk. It was from three years ago when they had all gone to Disney World for a week. As a happy family. Somewhere in the next three years even Kendall's younger sister Katie, who was now six, could tell that the Knights' marriage was deteriorating.

What would happen if they got a divorce? Kendall knew two kids in his grade at school whose parents had divorced. All he heard about was the custody battles and visitation rights, going back and forth between houses, incomplete family gatherings and where they would stay for holidays. Kendall didn't want that to happen to his family but he knew that it was way out of his control.

At least Katie was sleeping over a friend's house. Kendall hated hearing his mom and dad fight but he hated it even more when his little sister had to hear them too. She was too young. He was too young. Nothing about this was okay.

"Now you're telling me that you're going on a business trip for a week!" Jennifer exclaimed and Kendall could just see her throwing her arms up in the air, an expression of disbelief on her face. "Jefferey, that's the same week as the boys' hockey tournament. You're the one who taught Kendall how to play hockey and now you're going to miss everything your son has ever worked for!"

So his dad wasn't going to be there. Kendall swallowed the lump in his throat, determined not to cry. It didn't matter, he tried to tell himself. It was just a hockey tournament. It was just a game. But no. It was so much more.

"Yeah well, add hockey to the list of expenses that I have to work for!" Jefferey snapped. "Do you even know how much it costs to sign him up with a team and then pay for all that equipment or do you just sign him up for whatever he wants?"

Deep down, way deep down, Kendall knew that his parents didn't really mean any of the words they were saying. They were both angry and frustrated and probably sad and scared too. It didn't make it any easier to hear his father talk that way about hockey.

"You know," Jefferey continued. "Maybe if you got at least a part-time job, then I might be able to be home more often. But right now, Jennifer, I'm the only one that's keeping this family here in this house."

"We agreed when we got married that I would stay home once we had kids," Jennifer was quick to remind her husband. "If you really want me to work, then I could start looking around. But there are other things we have to consider. First, I don't want to leave the kids home alone. Kendall's ten, but I think that's still too young, especially with Katie. They can stay with their friends every once in a while but we can't take advantage of that. So what then? Are we going to pay for babysitter? I thought that the idea was to save money."

He couldn't listen anymore. They were already talking about what they were going to do with him and Katie. One thing would lead to another and then- Frustrated, Kendall shook his head and slammed his history book shut, letting it fall to the ground. A quick glance outside showed him that a light rain was falling and he reached for his jacket before leaving his room.

Unfortunately, he had to pass by his parents. Kendall stood and watched them, stand on opposite sides of the room, as if to be as far apart from each other as physically possible. The dinner table had yet to be fully cleared and maybe that was how the fight had started. Kendall didn't know and at this point he didn't care. Before he could stop himself, he reached over to a very full glass of water and gave it a hard shove.

The shattering sound stopped the fight as both adults turned to see their little boy who was being forced into growing up far too soon. "Shut up!" he screamed as his tears began to flow freely. "You're both acting like stupid little kids! You're always telling me and Katie to stop fighting, but then you go ahead and fight with each other all the time!"

"See?" Jennifer's eyes filled. "Look at what you're doing to him?"

"Oh, I see, so it's all my fault, it is?"

"No!" Kendall sent another glass to the floor, to upset to care. "It's _both_ your faults! You're both being stupid and I _hate _you! I'm going to Logan's house!"

"Kendall, sweetie-" his mother and father, their fight temporarily forgotten, tried to stop their son but he shoved past them and headed straight towards the front door, letting it slam shut behind him. Kendall!"

"I'll call you when I get there!" Kendall called over his shoulder, not looking back once. His heart was pounding from what he had just said to his mom and dad. He knew that he had hurt them a lot but he couldn't make himself turn around and apologize. He just wanted to leave.

* * *

><p>"Mom? Dad?" James ventured uncertainly.<p>

Brooke and Robert Diamond both sighed and looked up from the table where they were each working on their own sets of paperwork. "What is it, James?" his father asked, looking weary.

Nervously, James shifted his weight from foot to foot. "Um," he began.

"James, we're really busy right now, sweetie." Brooke said with a sigh. "What do you need?"

"Well," James' eyes scanned the room, too nervous to look at his parents. "I was wondering if we could maybe do something tonight. Together. As a family. You know, like we used to. Can we play a game, maybe, or watch a movie?" He knew the answer as soon as his parents exchanged glances. Both of them had been working full-time high-powered jobs since he turned ten and after two years of it, he had lost interest in their new big house and missed spending time with them.

His mother sighed again and looked down at her paperwork as if it would answer James for her. "James, I don't think I can. Not tonight, sweetie. I have to finish this before tomorrow and dinner already set me far back enough."

Biting his lip, James nodded and tried not to look too disappointed. "Dad?" he asked even though it was pointless. "We could play a quick game if you want."

Robert had taken his glasses off and was rubbing his forehead like he did when he was about to get one of his migraines. "Buddy," he began regretfully. "I'm sorry, but I'm in the same boat as your mom right now. Maybe tomorrow, okay?"

James nodded. "Yeah," he said softly. "Sure. Maybe tomorrow." He remained standing in the kitchen, not wanting to be alone.

After a while, Robert cleared his throat and looked back up. "James?"

"Yes, sir?" James asked, looking at his father hopefully. Maybe he had finished earlier than he thought he would.

"Why don't you go turn the game on?" Robert suggested, gesturing to the living room.

James brightened. "Want to watch it with me?" he asked. "I'll keep the volume down really low so you can concentrate. Just. . . come in with me. Please?"

But his dad was shaking his dad even before he finished speaking. "I can't do that tonight, James. I'm already having enough trouble concentrating thanks to this headache. Why don't you watch it for me and you can tell me how it went when it's over?"

"I don't want to watch hockey by myself!" James exclaimed, unable to keep a whine out of his voice. "That's boring! Please, can't we just hang out like we used to?" The words were risky. His parents were either going to get mad at him for being so ungrateful or feel guilty. Either way, it wasn't how James had imagined his evening would turn out.

"James," his father began and James flinched because it was the worst of all. Disappointment. "Your mother and I work hard to provide you with all of these nice things. Look at your house. You have that nice basement with the pool table, the game system, the flat screen, and everything else you could possibly want. But those things can't just _happen_. Someone, like your mother and I, have to pay for those things and we also have to work to keep them. Everything comes with a price."

James' bottom lip trembled and his eyes filled. He blinked the tears back, refusing to cry. His dad always hated it when he cried. Said it was a sign of weakness. He wanted to respond by saying that the price they had paid was far too great. Had it cost them the closeness he once cherished?

"Now," his mother spoke next, her tone gentle but forced to sound that way. They were running out of patience. "Why don't you find something to do before it gets too late? Do you have any homework?"

An idea came to James and it made the ache in his heart lessen just a little bit. "Yeah," he said, even though he had finished all of his assignments during study hall so his evening would be free. "In fact. . . it's with history. I might need help with it." He was giving them one last chance, taking comfort in the fact that the alternative was actually really good.

Brooke's face brightened and she smiled at her husband before turning back to James. "Well," he said, sounding happier already. "Why don't you call Logan and see if he can help you? I know he makes it easier to understand than your teachers."

_Don't cry_ James told himself determinedly. Instead, he forced a smile. "That's exactly what I was thinking I would do," he told them. _If you weren't going to help me yourselves. _But he could never tell them that. "Actually, I just remembered that we already made plans to study at his house tonight. I'll go pack real quick."

"Is Mr. Mitchell okay with this plan?" Robert asked because he was perfectly fine with it himself.

"Don't worry," James smiled as he turned to leave. "I'm sure he's perfectly fine with it. I'll be staying the night since tomorrow is Saturday, okay? See you guys." He paused, waiting to see if that's all the farewell that they wanted.

It was. Both Brooke and Robert murmured distracted goodbyes and then bent over their work, already forgetting about their son. James sighed and hurried up to his room, hastily packing an overnight bag, leaving his school books on his desk. No use studying tonight.

* * *

><p>"Mommy! Daddy! Elena won't leave me alone!"<p>

Carlos Garcia rolled his eyes and covered his ears with his hands, looking at his younger sister, May, pointedly. "You don't need to yell, May," he said, trying to keep his voice steady. "Mom and Dad are-"

"Now Carlos won't leave me alone!" the seven-year-old shrieked. "Make them go away!"

Elena, at five years, looked up to her older sister and pouted when she was told to leave. "I wasn't doing anything!" she whined as their parents rushed in to see what the fuss was all about. "I just wanna watch her!"

"May," Carlos Garcia Sr. said gently. "Honey, your sister just wants to watch you play with your dolls. What's the harm in that?"

May shook her head obstinately. "She always says that!" Her mother placed a finger over her lips and she lowered her voice. "She always says that and then she winds up wanting to play with me! I don't want her to play with me! Remember what she did to Julia's hair?"

"It was an accident!"

Carlos sighed and stood up, wanting to be anywhere but the noisy playroom where he had been working on his model airplane. He loved his family, his mother, his father, and all five of his younger sisters. But the chaos was sometimes too much. It was constant and he couldn't help but remember the short time in his life when it had just been him and his parents. Now, he just felt jealous.

Wandering into the next room, he had to step hurriedly out of the way of Lila and Anna as the three-year old twins stampeded past him, giggling loudly. He turned and watched to make sure they had made it safely pass the sea of Legos on the floor and then continued on his way to peace. A baby's cry reached his ears as soon as May's and Elena's voices faded out and he sighed.

Baby Chloe sat in her playpen that had been set up in the kitchen while his mother cleaned up dinner. Her toys were completely forgotten as she pulled herself to her feet and wailed to be picked up. "Up!" she demanded.

Carlos made himself smile and scooped his baby sister up into his arms. "Hey, Chloe!" he said as cheerfully as he could. "All done in here?" The baby nodded and he kissed her gently on the forehead before heading back into the playroom where it sounded like World War III had just erupted.

"She always ruins my things!" May was wailing as Carlos stepped warily back into the room.

"Honey, she looks up to you because you're her big sister," Claire Garcia tried to point out, but having come from a large family herself, she knew that it would do little good. When May simply shook her head, she sighed and turned to her younger daughter. "Elena, why don't we go color?" she asked with a smile. The dishes could be finished later.

To everyone's surprise, Elena considered her mother's offer for a while and then nodded. "Okay," she said agreeably as if there had never been a problem. She took her mother's hand and tugged her over to the desk that had been set up for the purpose of arts and crafts. However, that was when the fifteen seconds of peace ended. Upon seeing her older brother's unfinished model sitting on the desk, she simply swept her hand across the surface and knocked the model to the floor where it promptly broke.

"Elena!" Carlos said in dismay, holding tightly to Chloe as he rushed over to see the extent of damage that had been done. Shifting the baby to one arm, he picked up one of the pieces in his free hand and looked at it carefully.

"Elena Garcia!" his mother sounded just as upset. "That was your brother's! Why did you do that?"

Elena's answer was drowned out by Lila and Anna who had decided to have a contest to see you could shout louder. Startled by the noise, Chloe promptly opened her mouth and started to wail directly in her brother's ear. "Mama!"

"I have an idea!" Carlos said loudly, trying to be heard over the chaos. "Let's play the quiet game!" There was a brief pause in the noise while the girls thought over his suggestion. Even the baby stuck her thumb in her mouth and regarded the scene before her with solemn eyes.

"No fun!" Anna declared, and the peace was broken once again.

"Here, Carlos, let me take Chloe," Mrs. Garcia said, relieving Carlos of the screaming baby.

"But, Mommy!" Elena cried out in distress. "You were gonna color with me!"

"Elena," Claire said sternly. "What do you say to Carlos for breaking his plane?"

Elena frowned sullenly. "I'm sorry," she said, sounding anything but sorry.

"Elena, please go to your room for a while." Carlos Sr. intervened. As he watched his daughter stalk off in reluctant obedience, he placed a hand on his son's shoulder. "Carlos, why don't we see if we can fix this?"

Carlos grinned, not at the thought of having his plane fixed, but at the idea of having his dad all to himself, even if it was only for a few minutes. "Really?" he asked hopefully.

"Ow! Daddy, she's pulling my hair!"

Quickly, Mr. Garcia turned to see his twin daughters sitting on the floor, their fingers tangled in each others dark curls. "Anna! Lila!" he said, turning to settle both girls down. "Stop that, you two!"

Carlos watched as his father struggled to separate the twins and his mother tried to calm the screaming Chloe. May had apparently decided that playing by herself wasn't nearly as fun as bossing Elena around and had gone off in search of his younger sister. He glanced down at his broken plane and bent down to gather the pieces in the box.

"All right!" Carlos Sr., having calmed both girls down to the point where they were playing quietly, stood up and turned back around to his son. "Now about that airplane-"

"Daddy!" May's shriek had them all cringing. She ran back into the playroom, followed closely behind by a tearful Elena. "Our dollhouse broke! Come see it!"

Carlos followed his dad into the girls' room where the porch railing of the wooden dollhouse had indeed snapped off. "It's okay," he told his dad when Mr. Garcia started to say something about fixing his plane first. "You can fix the house."

"Carlos," Mr. Garcia sighed. "It won't take long, okay?"

Carlos smiled and nodded. "I know. Don't worry about it, Dad. I'm uh, going to go to Logan's house, okay? I bet he'll know how to help me." He didn't want to leave his family but he wanted to leave the noise. Just for a night.

His father, as usual, seemed to understand completely. "Thanks, buddy."

"Yup," Carlos had to leave soon before his cheerful attitude failed him completely. "I might end up staying the night. I'll call you and let you know, okay?"

* * *

><p>"Dad?" Logan knocked on the door of his father's home office and pushed it open. Poking his head in uncertainly, he saw his father bent over a stack of papers, his reading glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. He was so absorbed in his work that he didn't even hear Logan come in. Logan took a step forward and cleared his throat. "Dad?"<p>

Ryan Mitchell looked up, startled. "Logan," he said, taking his glasses off and looking at his son. "Is something wrong?"

Logan shook his head quickly. "No," he said right away even though he was questioning his answer even as he spoke. Was everything really okay? He was pretty sure that they hadn't been okay for years now, but if his father hadn't noticed by now, would he ever notice? "I uh. . ." he trailed off and rubbed the back of his neck, a gesture he did when he was nervous or embarrassed. "Do you have a lot of work tonight?"

To his dismay, but not his surprise, Ryan nodded and gestured to the papers and then at his laptop computer. "I'm afraid so," he said with a sigh. "I have a new client and his case is already a huge mess even though we've just started. His previous lawyer left all his files unorganized and all over the place. I don't even know where to begin with this mess."

Chewing on his lip, Logan took another step forward. "Can. . . can I help?" he asked, casting his eyes downwards because he was too nervous to look at his dad and see his reaction. "I'm really good at organizing things. The teachers at school say that-"

"Logan, I'm sorry. I'm sure that the teachers are right and that you're very organized." Ryan started to rub his temple, a sign of an oncoming migraine. "But I know where everything belongs and you don't. All I really have to do is find everything and put it in the right place. It's just going to take all night, that's all."

"You could teach me," Logan suggested hopefully. "I'm a fast learner, really I am! The teachers-"

"Logan," Ryan said with another sigh. "Maybe I can teach you one of these days. But for now, I'm sure it would be easier if I could just. . . work alone tonight. Thanks anyway."

This time, Logan took a step backwards. "Oh," he said, trying with all of his strength to hide the disappointment in his voice. "Right. Yeah, that makes sense. Sorry to bother you. I'll let you get some work done then. Do you need anything?"

Ryan had already gone back to looking at his papers and glanced up at Logan, an expression of confusion on his face. "Did you say something?" he asked, sounding distracted.

Logan's cheeks flushed with color and he rubbed the back of his neck again. "I was wondering if you needed or wanted anything. You're getting a headache, right? Want me to bring you Tylenol and a drink of water?"

"No. No thank you, Logan. I have some right here." Mr. Mitchell held up a bottle of water and a small bottle of Tylenol. "I'll be fine. Thanks again, Logan. I just need to get back to work."

"Right," Logan smiled and nodded. "Okay, well then, let me know if I can get you anything. I'll be downstairs watching the hockey game." He paused halfway through the door, waiting to see if his dad would ask him about homework. Nothing. "See you, Dad." As he turned once again to leave, he listened hard, but he didn't hear his father respond at all.

Once down in the basement, Logan flopped down on the worn out couch and turned on the TV. The Minnesota Wild game was just getting under way and he tried to watch it with interest. But all he could think about was how completely lonely he felt. It was times like these when he missed his mother the most. He wished that she hadn't died and that he could have a happy, complete family. Him, his mother, his father, and the little brother or sister that he hadn't never met.

Logan had never told anyone, not even his friends, what his mother had told him the day of the accident. She had told him that he was going to be a big brother. He was supposed to have a baby brother or sister that only would have been a year younger than Kendall's sister, Katie. No one knew that except for Ryan and Logan.

No, Logan corrected himself as he remembered. One other person knew. Carlos' father, Mr. Garcia. The chief of the Minnesota state police had been there the day of the accident. Logan stopped paying attention to the game as the memories came rushing back to him. He had been alone and scared in the back of the ambulance and Carlos' dad had ridden to the hospital with him. During the short ride, Logan had told him the news. He hadn't know that his mother was already dead and with her, his sibling. He had been so excited and proud. Now he had none of that.

He often imagined what it would have been like if that accident hadn't happened. His mother had told him that if he had a sister, they would name her Chloe. If it was another boy, they would have named him Scott and called him Scotty. Sometimes, when he had trouble sleeping, Logan liked to imagine going somewhere, just his family. He imagined teaching Scotty how to play hockey and protecting Chloe the way Kendall protected Katie. He would never know what that was like though.

Sometimes he got extremely lonely. The kind of loneliness that emptied out his heart and made what was left ache. He missed his mother and baby sister or brother that he would never know. He missed his father even though he was in the very same house. At times like this, only one thing would make Logan feel better.

As he was reaching for his cell phone, the doorbell rang and Logan stood up. He took the stairs two at a time, grateful for the interruption. Brushing away the tears that had surprised him, he took a deep breath to make sure that he was composed enough for a visitor. Then he opened the door.

"Kendall."

**A/N. This was going to be two-shots instead of four but. . . it's already long enough. Anyway, if you liked this, please take a minute to review. It would mean a lot to me. If not and if you are looking forward to "TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY", then I'll try my best to get myself together. I start school on Wednesday and this is an extremely important semester for me, so I won't be updating as much. Hopefully I can update at a somewhat regular basis though. So, thank you for reading! I hope you liked it! Oh, and my fellow East Coast friends, I hope you were safe and sound during Irene's visit! I love you all!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N. Thanks to everyone who took the time to review! You're awesome! I'll spare you the long author's note this time. I don't own anything.**

"Kendall, what are you doing here?" Logan asked in surprise. He pulled his best friend inside, glancing outside as he did so. "It's raining, where's your coat?"

In spite of what had just gone on at his own house, Kendall couldn't help but laugh. "Logan, it's just a little rain." he said with a roll of his eyes. "I'm not going to get sick or anything."

Logan frowned. "No, I guess you won't." he admitted. "But still. What are coats for if they aren't for keeping us warm and dry?"

"Okay, okay!" Kendall laughed again and held up his hands. "You win. I'll wear my coat next time."

"Good," Logan nodded, looking satisfied. But as he studied Kendall closely, he quickly caught on to the fact that something was wrong. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly. "You look upset."

It was useless trying to hide anything from Logan. The same with James and Carlos. They all knew each other too well. Kendall looked down at his shoes and shrugged. "My parents were fighting again," he said in an offhand tone. "I got sick of it and came over here. Is that okay?"

"Of course it is!" Logan told him. "Come on downstairs, I was watching the hockey game." He led Kendall back down to the basement and sat on one end of the couch, regarding his best friend solemnly. "So do you want to talk about it?"

_I remember when_

_we used to laugh_

_about nothing at all._

Kendall wasn't sure if he wanted to talk. He was almost certain that his parents would be getting a divorce any time now and he didn't even want to think about what would happen after that. However, Logan might be able to make him feel a little better by answering some of his questions. But Kendall just didn't feel right about complaining to Logan about his parents when his friend only had his father who hardly noticed him.

Before Kendall could make his decision, the boys heard the front door fly open once again. They jumped and then listened carefully, each of them holding their cell phones ready to call 911 in case someone had decided to rob Logan's house at 9:00 on a Friday evening.

"Logan?"

Logan sighed in relief and set aside his phone. "Basement, James!" he called up the stairs. He shared an exasperated look with Kendall as James came thudding down the stairs. He never failed to make a dramatic entrance. However, when their friend first came into view, both of them knew that something was wrong.

"What's up?" Kendall asked in concern, relieved that his issues could be forgotten for the moment. He didn't want to talk about it just yet.

James sighed and flopped down on the couch in between the other boys. "My parents," he said glumly. He shot a guilty look at Logan and then Kendall because he knew that both of their situations were worse than his. "It's no big deal," he muttered.

"Guys," Logan broke in. "Both of you just showed up unannounced at my house. I don't mind seeing you. Not at all. In fact, I was about to call you two and Carlos to see if you wanted to sleep over or something. It gets pretty lonely here. But. . . you can talk, you know?"

James opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by another knock at the door. "That's Carlos," he guessed with a small grin. "I'll get it. Logan, should I knock too?"

Logan laughed as he stood up. "No, James. It's not a big deal. My dad doesn't mind." _He probably doesn't even notice_. He thought to himself. Neither Kendall's or James' arrival had appeared to caught his attention and as Logan made his way upstairs, it was obvious that the newcomer still hadn't interrupted his father's work. With a sigh, Logan pulled the door open. "Hey, Carlitos!" he said cheerfully.

Carlos grinned back, forgetting for the time being, what had happened back at home. "Logie!" he said, holding out a cardboard box full of broken model airplane parts. "Can you help me fix this?"

"I was right!" James cried out happily. "I knew it was you, Carlos."

"Shhh!" Kendall gave his friend a small shove. "Logan's dad is working!" He looked slightly upset by the idea of Mr. Mitchell being interrupted from his work. What if he got mad like Kendall's dad did?

All three boys looked hard at Kendall and Logan took hold of his arm. "Basement," he announced, dragging the taller boy along with him. Once they were all downstairs together and he was sure that there would be no more interruptions, Logan stared at his friends. "Who wants to go first?" he asked.

_It was better than going mad_

_from trying to solve all the problems we're going through,_

_forget 'em all._

Carlos raised his hand. "It's nothing really," he said honestly. "I just wanted to get away from all the noise. I love my sisters a lot, but I feel like I don't get enough time with just my parents. There's always something going on. I kind of miss them. Especially my dad. I mean, I know you guys have more going on, but-"

"It's okay, Carlos." Logan said quietly. "I'd feel the same way." It was hard to imagine having such an active household as opposed to his quiet one, but he guessed that too much of anything could get hard to handle eventually. "It's quiet here!" he tried to joked.

_Too_ _quiet_ James wanted to say. It was much like his house. But it was better now with all of his friends. At least he had someone to talk to. "That's kind of why I came over," he said, gaining the other boys' attention. "My parents have been really busy lately with their new jobs and they haven't had a whole lot of time for me. I was bored and-" James stopped talking and blushed.

"Lonely?" Logan guessed. "I feel that way too, James. All the time when I'm not with you guys."

"You go next, Logan." Kendall said quickly.

"Me?" Logan laughed. "I'm not the one who walked to someone else's house in the rain. I've been right here all night long."

"Didn't you say that you were about to call us?" Kendall reminded him. "What's up with you? Your dad still real busy?"

Logan nodded. "Yeah," he said quietly. "Especially now. He has a new client and a new case and everything. The guy's old lawyer left everything a big mess and my dad is stressed out trying to organize it all."

"He's always busy," Kendall scoffed, forgetting his own issues. At least both of his parents loved him and Katie. It hurt that they couldn't stand each other, but at least they tried their hardest to pay attention to him. "When was the last time you two did something together?"

"No idea," Logan shook his head. "It sucks." He looked at James who nodded and then at Carlos who looked sad. "Carlos buddy, don't worry. I bet once your sisters get a little older, your parents will be able to have more time with you."

"I know," Carlos said, looking a little cheered. "I just wish you guys could have my parents."

"Me too," Logan said softly thinking of Mr. Garcia. When they were all younger, they had called Carlos' parents "Mama" and Papa". Though, he now called his friend's mother, "Mrs. Garcia" like the others, he was the only one still holding onto "Papa." He wasn't the type to get jealous, but Logan would have loved to have Mr. Garcia as his real father.

"I want my parents," Kendall said quickly. "I just wish that they'd stop arguing all the time. They make Katie cry and. . . I get real mad sometimes. Tonight I broke some dishes and told them that I hated them."

"I'm sure they knew you didn't mean it," James offered in a rather rare moment of wisdom. "And they love you more than they love their dishes so. . ." he trailed off and shrugged. "Yeah."

_'Cause on those nights we would stand and never fall._

_Together we faced it all._

"I think they're gonna get a divorce," Kendall finally admitted his worst fears. "They were both really mad tonight."

The other boys were silent as they took in the latest information. They all knew that the Knights were having problems but it seemed that they had done well in hiding their worst from those outside the family. A divorce was serious. "You won't have to move, will you?" Carlos asked in a small voice.

Kendall hadn't even thought of that. To his embarrassment, tears filled his eyes. "No," he said as firmly as he could even though he had no idea what was going to happen. "I'm not going anywhere." Even so, now all he could think of was moving far away with his mom or dad and leaving the only people who understood him behind.

"We won't let them take you away," James said stubbornly. "You can stay over my house, or maybe Carlos' or Logan's if you have to. But. . . I don't think both of your parents would leave."

"I hate this," Logan whispered. "Why do all-" he shot a look at Carlos and corrected himself. "I mean, _almost_ all of our parents have to be so. . ."

"At least we have each other!" Carlos said trying to cheer everyone up.

It worked better than he thought it would. James, Kendall, and Logan all brightened up considerably. "We always will too," Kendall said in determination. "No matter what happens."

* * *

><p>"Goal!" Kendall and James shouted simultaneously. The boys jumped up from the couch with fists raised in the air, celebrating another Minnesota Wild goal. Then they turned to each other and exchanged high fives before settling back down. "That makes it 3-1 now!" Kendall said happily.<p>

Logan rolled his eyes at their enthusiasm but didn't turn away from the model airplane that Carlos had brought over. "Keep it down over there!" he complained. "One of these times you're going to scare me so much that I'm going to break this thing all over again!"

"Sorry," James apologized as he and Kendall walked over to the other side of the basement, away from the TV and to the work bench where Logan sat with Carlos watching over his shoulder. "How's it going?"

Frowning in concentration, Logan didn't answer at first. He carefully applied the slightest amount of glue to a wing that had been snapped in half. "Fine," he said when he had finished. He sat up and rubbed his aching neck. "I just have to get everything right or-" he broke off as he picked up another broken piece.

"Thanks for doing this, Logan." Carlos said appreciatively. "My dad would have done it eventually but he's been so busy lately with work and everyone else." He fell silent and didn't say anything else. He felt incredibly guilty that his parents were still happily married and made as much time as possible to spend with him and his sisters. It wasn't their fault that his sisters were so young and needed them more than he did. He just missed them.

Logan grinned up at him from his seat. "No problem," he said lightly. He remained quiet about Carlos' family too. The boys had made an unspoken pact to stop talking about their problems, at least for the night. It wasn't that they could totally forget what they were going through, especially Kendall, but they could focus on something else for a while. Anything but their problems.

_Remember when we'd stay up late and we'd talk all night_

_in a dark room lit by the TV light._

_Through all the hard times in my life_

_those night kept me alive._

"So you guys want to play two-on-two tomorrow?" Kendall asked hopefully. "We could head over to the rink and spend the day there."

"Sure," his three friends agreed, mostly because it was what Kendall wanted. They wanted to keep his mind off of his parents' inevitable divorce as much as possible. If it meant playing hockey all day long then that was fine with them.

"We might have to walk though," Logan said, turning a little red. "My dad has been going to his office really early all week long."

Kendall's smile faded. "You're here alone?" he asked. "My parents never leave me alone."

"Mine don't either," James said glancing at Carlos.

Carlos shrugged. "I'm never alone." he said with a forced smile.

"It's no big deal." Logan said quickly. "Besides, on the weekdays I'm at school and on the weekends, I'm with you guys. I'm never alone." Before the others could protest at all, he turned pointedly back to his project, determined to drop the subject of his dad.

Normally, one of them would have tried to push Logan a little more. But since they were all burdened by their collective issues that night, James, Kendall, and Carlos backed off. The two older boys went back to the hockey game and Carlos watched Logan as he fixed the airplane. They were only ten but they had been best friends for five years. Now that they were being forced into growing up, they were beginning to realize how much their friendship really meant.

After the game had ended though, the boys were left with nothing but late night infomercials and everything else that they knew they would get in trouble for watching. James bitterly suggested that they watch something anyway because no one would even notice to care. He had been silenced by a glare from Kendall and shocked looks from Carlos and Logan.

So Logan turned the radio on to the local 90's station and got out enough sleeping bags, blankets, and pillows. They spread everything out on the floor and laid down, trying to think of something to talk about that didn't involved why they were there in the first place.

Kendall stared up at the dark ceiling, deep in thought, especially for one so young. "You know," he said quietly. "I'm really glad I have you guys as my friends." he hugged his pillow closer to him and turned on his side to face his friends. He could just make out their faces in the dark and he found it comforting. "Even if they do- you know. . . I know it'll be okay. I have you guys."

"Parents suck," James said softly. He felt someone nudge his side. "Sorry, Carlos." he apologized quickly. "Not your parents. Just. . . lots of them do. I don't get it. Why get married and have kids if you're going to ignore them or move out?"

"Well," Carlos said, trying to sound optimistic. "If your parents didn't get married and have you guys, then I'd be alone."

Impulsively, Logan sat up and dragged Carlos into a hug. "You wouldn't be alone because you're so awesome and everyone loves you, Carlos." he whispered. "But I'm really glad it gets to be us who have you as our best friend. It makes everything hurt a lot less."

_We'd listen to the radio play all night,_

_didn't want to go home to another fight._

_Through all the hard times in my life,_

_those nights kept me alive._

"Logie?" Kendall murmured sleepily. "If you're ever alone for a real long time, you know you can come over my house right? Or James' or Carlos'? We don't want you to be by yourself. We don't want you to be lonely."

"I know," Logan said, taking comfort in the fact that while everything else around him was uncertain, he knew that he would always be able to count on his best friends. "I will, Kendall. I promise. And Kendall, if your parents are fighting, you can come over here. Or if James gets lonely or if Carlos needs one of us."

"All of you," Carlos said as he yawned. "All of us need all of us." He paused and looked at his friends. "Did that make sense?"

James laughed. "More sense than anything else, Carlos." he assured his friend. "Everything makes sense with you guys."

That was when they knew for the first time that as long as they had each other they would be okay. No matter what happened.

**A/N. Sorry for the longish wait dlgjrdgtrh. School started yesterday and I'm trying to figure all of my classes out. I had my first public speaking class tonight. It was. . . okay. Better than I thought. I'll let you know after I actually make my first speech haha. For now, I'm working on what I can. Meaning school and this story and "TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY". And Christmas. Because I'm in the mood for Christmas. Okay, I'm done rambling. Review? :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N. Sorry for the long wait, loves! I wanted to update sometime during Memorial Day weekend but I got sick and spent Saturday in the hospital and the rest of the long weekend sleeping. All is well now and I'm really grateful that everything happened during a long weekend when I didn't have any school work done because that would have made things a little more stressful. Now I'm just trying to get back into the swing of things with school and writing. And trying to recover fully. That is in question, but the main goal is to stay out of the hospital. We'll see. Anyway, that's what happened. Here's the next chapter! I don't own anything.**

James sat at his desk, banging his heel against his chair leg in a steady rhythm. He stared hard at the science textbook in front of him, trying to make sense of every third word. It could have been in another language and he wouldn't have known any better. The only thing that he was aware of was that it sure didn't look like any English he had ever seen.

He had always struggled in school, maintaining mostly a C average with a rare B on his report card. Even with Logan's constant and patient guidance from elementary to high school, James found himself fighting to keep up with his friends and the rest of their classmates. He had absolutely no idea how he had graduated and made it to college. But here he was in his first year of community college, and he sincerely doubted that he would pass most if any of his classes. College was an entirely different world. Of course, a recent discovery had changed everything for James.

It happened when he took the collage entrance exam and failed everything. The woman at the test center kindly suggested that he should go take another kind of test. It wasn't the first time someone had brought up the possibility that he might have a learning disability. Even Logan had casually mentioned in when they were in fifth grade, only to never bring it up again when James wouldn't talk to him for a week. The schools he had been to had often sent letters home to his parents with concerned teachers saying that not all was right with the learning part of James' brain. But nothing had ever been done about it. His mom and dad had always been so wrapped up in their careers that somewhere along the line, James had taken the back seat in their priorities.

They were never as bad as Logan's father, however. James never doubted that they loved and cared about him. In fact, he was grateful for the way they let his failing academic life slide. He didn't want to go to school at all. He'd much rather be a famous pop star. He had the talent. And once upon a time, just a year ago, he had been living out his dream. But the music business was fickle and ever changing and Big Time Rush had eventually fizzled out, forcing the boys back to Minnesota. Only after Logan had literally sat in his room for an entire day, telling him to try college, had James given in. So far, he had nothing but regrets.

He was dyslexic. To put it in the simplest of terms, James read a lot of things backwards, mixing up the letters so that they literally looked like a completely different language. The doctor who had given him the news acted as if it would be a relief for James to finally have a reason for his problems in school. The man had been appalled that James' disability had gone undiagnosed for so long but he had encouragingly told him that it was never too late to get help for something like this. Of course, he didn't know anything about the ridiculous amount of pride James had and what the diagnosis did to that pride.

James had yet to tell anyone. Not his parents, not his friends. Especially Logan. He wondered how everyone would react once they inevitably found out. Would Logan be angry? Hurt? Disappointed? James was afraid to find out. He was afraid to tell Logan that he had been right all along. He just wanted to go back to LA and Big Time Rush where everything had been so great.

_It wasn't so great for a while there. _James shuddered at the nagging reminder that plagued him day after day. How could he possibly forget that for one year, they had lived with the fear that they could lose Logan to the cancer that had invaded his body at seventeen years old? How could he forget all they had been through? Carlos' nightmares, Kendall's breakdowns, and his own depression? How could he forget that Logan had actually died at one point only to come back to them in what could only be described as a miracle?

James was still afraid. It had been almost three years since Logan was pronounced cancer free but that could never be enough for James. He was still terrified every time Logan went to his monthly check-up. He was still paranoid every time Logan came down with a cold because that was how it started the first time. Despite the fact that they were all moving on and that Logan himself was in med school, James was still afraid.

He sighed and shook his head, trying to clear it of all the horrible thoughts that were plaguing him. Net he wouldn't be surprised to find himself thinking about how his parents had grown distant toward one another in the past several months. He tried to avoid thinking bad thoughts as much as possible because his depression was still on occasion, stronger than his driven optimism. It was easy to get down if he let his thoughts dwell on all that was wrong and all that could go wrong.

Abruptly giving up on his school work, James slammed the textbook shut and pulled on his shoes. He couldn't stand to stay in his house any longer. He had to get away just for the night. That could help him clear his thoughts. So he headed downstairs, careful to avoid the living room where his parents were sitting separately as if the other one didn't even exist. He did leave a note though because he knew once he reached his destination, that was one of the first questions he would have to answer. Heading quietly out the front door, James paused in his flight to send a quick text message to make sure they were home. Then he made his escape.

* * *

><p>He tried to tell himself that it was funny. That he, Carlos Garcia of all people, had a girl problem. This was the sort of thing he and Kendall and Logan had constantly tormented James for when they were in middle school and early high school. But here he was in college and he didn't find it funny at all.<p>

Her name was Elisa and she was his second serious girlfriend, the first since Stephanie back in LA. Carlos and Stephanie hadn't been able to maintain their sudden long distant relationship the way that Kendall and Logan had with Jo and Camille. He didn't mind as much when James and Julie also fell away from each other because that meant that it wasn't just him. Maybe he wasn't as hopeless with girls and relationships as he originally thought.

Now he was back to being unsure of himself. He had met Elisa at the community college that he and James were attending for their first year. She was a nice girl. Pretty. Kind. Thoughtful. Funny. Really there was absolutely nothing to dislike about her. Except that she seemed so much more into the whole relationship thing than Carlos was.

She was a little clingy. Not annoyingly so to the point where he couldn't go anywhere else or be with anyone else, but sometimes she made him feel guilty. He liked hanging out with her but he had other friends, especially his best friends. He would have loved to bring her along but she didn't want to hang out with them. He didn't understand why. They all seemed to get along so great the few occasions that they were all together.

"Girls were easier to understand when I thought they had cooties," he mumbled to himself as he debated the problem. He had finished his school work for the night and now he was sitting in his room, ignoring Elisa's texts. They had been considered a couple for three months now and while he enjoyed her company and her overall sweet nature. But he didn't enjoy her avoidance of James, Kendall, and Logan. The only reason he hadn't just broken up with her was that he was sure things would improve. They had to. Who could deny that his friends were the best? So why was it taking so long?

He wondered what the guys would think if they knew how preoccupied he was. James would probably try to give him advice and most likely fail since he and Carlos were two completely different people. Kendall would advice him to dump her and Logan would tell him to pay more attention to school. But it wasn't that simple. He didn't want to hurt her and he was doing perfectly fine in school.

Maybe too fine. Carlos was beginning to suspect that he was actually smarter than he had ever thought. His classes were all incredibly uninteresting and downright boring. Everything the teachers said was familiar to him. So familiar in fact that he could practically predict what they would say next. Predictable. That's what college was like. At least community college. Maybe he really should have considered a school that could offer him more.

Everything was confusing right now. The only thing that still made sense to Carlos was his three best friends. He stared out his bedroom window, wondering if they were all around. He knew that James was struggling and often really busy with his own schoolwork. He also knew that while Kendall and Logan were both home from their respective colleges for a long weekend, they hadn't had much time to spend with their family. He didn't want to interrupt anything.

That was when his phone vibrated again. Thinking it was just Elisa again, he almost ignored it. But at the last second, he changed his mind and glanced at the screen. "James," he said, frowning to himself. The message was short, simply asking Carlos, Kendall and Logan if they had time to talk. A reply quickly came from Kendall saying that he and Logan would meet him at the pond but that their house was a bad idea at the moment. Carlos sat up and responded too, saying that he would be there in ten minutes.

His phone rang suddenly and Carlos groaned, seeing that it was Elisa. He should talk to her, he really should. Nothing between them was working out. If she didn't take his friends, then she couldn't have him. Carlos silenced the ring and then texted her, telling her that he needed to be with his friends. Hoping she got his meaning, he turned his phone off and left for the pond.

* * *

><p>"I just can't believe how much has changed!" Kendall exclaimed as he sat with Logan in the basement at home. "We've only been gone for two months and we come back and-"<p>

"Kendall," Logan interrupted. "Calm down, man. This isn't the end of the world, you know." He ignored Kendall's glare of disbelief and went on. "Look. Katie said that they've only been seeing each other for three weeks. There's no reason to freak out like you are."

"Logan," Kendall sighed. "I'm trying not to freak out." He mimicked Logan's eye roll and protested. "Really!"

Logan absentmindedly paged through a magazine that was sitting on the coffee table in front of him. "Mom can date if she wants, you know." he said gently. "It's been almost ten years. Your dad got remarried when we were fifteen, remember?"

In spite of himself, Kendall grinned. "You know, I don't think I'll ever get used to hearing you call her Mom," he told Logan. "It means a lot to all of us."

"Yeah well," Logan turned red and fumbled the magazine before dropping it. "It means even more to me. She's been my mom since I was six." His voice was soft and thoughtful.

Forgetting for the time being about his mother and. . . Thomas, Kendall elbowed Logan so that he dropped the magazine again. "When we adopted you," he said quietly. "That was one of the best days of my life. Even though it was during a time that was really hard for all of us."

"It made everything easier for me," Logan replied. "I mean. . . just to know that there was someone who wanted me so much. It meant a lot to me at that time. It still means a lot. More than you'll ever know."

"Now look at you," Kendall laughed a little. "You're in med school for crying out loud."

"You're on a full hockey scholarship," Logan reminded him. "I just wish that I didn't have to be away from home. I've missed everyone."

Suddenly remembering why he had been in such a low mood, Kendall frowned again. "Yeah. I wish things didn't have to change that much." he admitted to Logan.

"He makes her happy," Logan pointed out gently. "Think about it from her point of view, Kendall. She's been single for almost ten years and she hasn't really dated anyone-"

"Please don't mention dating," Kendall asked with a grimace. "It's so weird thinking of Mom _dating_."

Logan smirked. "Fine. She's never really. . . _seen_ anyone in these past ten years. She spent most of that time raising you and Katie and then all of us when we were in LA. She deserves to do something for herself every once in a while, Kendall. Thomas might be good for her."

"Or," Kendall said, ignoring Logan's optimistic outlook completely. "He might be bad for her, Logan. I know that I'm being overly pessimistic, but what if he hurts her in any way? What if they. . . stop seeing each other and it makes her sad?"

Logan's confused gaze softened into understanding. "She'll be okay, Kendall." he said softly. "She'll have you to take care of her. That's it, isn't it?" You're so used to being the man of the house, the man in her life, that now with Thomas in the picture, it makes you uncomfortable."

"Sort of," Kendall said, avoiding Logan's gaze. "Mostly. I thought she was happy with me and Katie and then you."

"She _is_," Logan promised him. "But you're happy with her and Katie, right?"

"And you," Kendall corrected.

"Okay," Logan blushed a little. "So why are you dating Jo?"

Kendall was caught off guard for a minute. He stared at Logan, thinking carefully before he came up with an answer. "It's different though." he insisted heavily. "I'm not even twenty one and she's-"

"If you say that she's old, I'm telling." Logan said with a grin.

"Tattletale," Kendall responded to his teasing only halfheartedly. "You know what I mean though?"

Logan nodded slowly. "I guess I do for the most part," he said. "See, Kendall, it's hard for me to really understand things that have to do with parents. I mean, I don't know how I would feel if I were in your shoes. I don't remember my mom that much and I can't imagine what I would think if my dad had ever started dating again. Maybe I would have been happy because that might have made things better between us. But my relationship with my dad was completely different than the relationship you have with Mom. You've been the strong one that she's needed and me and my dad. . . well."

"It's just hard," Kendall stared at the blank TV. "I know it's probably childish but I kind of feel like Thomas has replaced me."

"It's more stupid than it is childish," Logan said, shaking his head. "Kendall, you could never ever be replaced by anyone. There's no one in the world like you. You're the most dependable, protective, _amazing_ person I know. Everyone would agree by the way. No matter what happens between Thomas and Mom. . . he'll never take your place. No one will. You'll always be the same to her."

Kendall smiled grateful but he still looked doubtful. "I wish it was that easy to believe you," He saw Logan's frustration and braced himself for the response. But before Logan could say anything, Kendall felt his phone vibrate. "Hang on," he mumbled, fumbling for it in his pocket.

"Who is it?" Logan asked curiously as he heard his own phone beep at the same time.

"James," Kendall answered, already typing out a reply even though Logan had yet to see the message for himself. "He wants to know if we can meet by the pond in ten minutes." He frowned in concern. " I wonder what's up."

"Better find out," Logan told him as he stood up. "Are you telling him?"

Kendall nodded and stood up too. "Let's go."

**A/N. I'm sorry this was so short and if it felt rushed to anyone. I just wanted to get the boys' problems out of the way without too much detail so that when they talk in the next chapter, it won't seem repetitive. I hope to update soon but with everything that's going on (school, work, being sick), I'm not sure when. I got my old Tumblr back if anyone wants to follow me and get updates on what's happening with my writing. Until next time, thanks for reading! **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N. Last chapter! Thanks to all who reviewed! I don't own anything.**

"So what's up, James?" Kendall broke the silence and spoke first. He pulled his gaze away from the fire they had lit and looked closely at his friend.

James was almost beginning to regret calling all of his friends and pulling them out of their warm houses, especially since Kendall and Logan had just gotten back from school for Thanksgiving. They were up at the frozen pond, but they hadn't even brought their skates. They had cleared away a spot to build a fire and were now all crowded close around it for warmth. "It's-"

"If you say that it's nothing and you dragged us out here in the freezing cold for nothing. . ." Logan warned. But his face was concerned. "Talk to us," he ordered, sounding very much like Kendall.

"I don't know how to bring it up," James said, shrugging helplessly. "It's. . . complicated."

"Too complicated for us?" Carlos pointed out. He held his hands close to the flames and rubbed them together.

_I remember when we used to drive_

_anywhere but here_

_as long as we'd forget our lives._

He was right, of course. They all were right because they were all thinking the same thing. James found a discarded stick at his feet and began to poke the fire, making the flames leap up and dance wildly in the darkness. He could see his friends' faces even better now, all of them looking extremely concerned. "I'm having trouble in school," he finally muttered. "A lot of trouble." It wasn't the fire that was making his face feel warm.

"More than usual?" Logan pressed gently.

"Yeah," James admitted shamefully. "Because I. .. I haven't really asked for help from anyone. I thought that if I made it into college then I could stay in it. But the truth is, I didn't make it in right away. I failed the entrance exam the first time I took it."

Only Logan didn't look completely shocked but he looked surprised enough for James' shame to deepen. "Really?" he asked, just to be sure. "How bad?"

James laughed bitterly. "Bad enough that the woman at the test center suggest that I get tested for a learning disorder."

"Oh, James." Logan sighed, his surprise melting into a knowing sorrow. "What happened?"

"What else could I do after that?" James shrugged. "I got tested."

There was a long pause while the other boys waited for James to tell them what happened and James tried to figure out how to tell them. Finally Logan spoke, his tone sympathetic. "You're dyslexic, aren't you?"

Out of the corner of his eye, James saw Kendall and Carlos look at Logan in surprise of his bold guess. "Yeah," he said hurriedly, mostly to ease their minds. "You were right all along, Logan. I should have listened to you when you first brought it up. It would have saved me so much humiliation."

"At least you know now," Carlos pointed out unhelpfully.

"Carlos, I'm twenty! I shouldn't be finding this out just now. Everyone I've already talked to has given me this look like they can't believe I went so long without knowing. The doctor, the woman at the college. . It's so. . . embarrassing!"

_We were so young and confused that we didn't know_

_to laugh or cry._

_Those nights were ours, they will live and never die._

_Together we'd stand forever._

"You shouldn't be ashamed," Kendall disagreed. "You should be proud that you made it so far without getting help."

"I always had Logan," James said, nodding to his friend. "I didn't need any other help."

"I wish I could still help you," Logan said regretfully.

James rolled his eyes. "Logan, don't say that. You've done more than enough."

Again they fell silent, thinking of a time when their lives had been chaotic but somehow simple because they were all together. College had been something they were all aiming for and yet, now that they had reached it, they had found that it separated them in strange and uncomfortable ways. It gave them a shaky feeling that they didn't know what to do with.

Carlos and James were going to the same community college but they were still so busy that they couldn't see each other every day. Kendall was at Minnesota University, one of the stars on the hockey team even as a freshman. And Logan was in premed school in Massachusetts. It was unnerving how the distance, especially with Logan, made it so much harder to be there for each other when they were needed. Now they were reunited but only for a week. They needed to make the most of the time they had been given.

"James," Logan said with a patience that he had always reserved especially for James. "You're overreacting." He held out his hand when James opened his mouth to protest. "Yes you are." It was funny how he often took the lead from Kendall when it came to James. He could handle James' passionate highs and lows better than anyone else. "There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. You've made it this far with help so what's wrong with asking for more help to finish up?"

"Because," James said quietly. "I wasn't embarrassed by asking you for help. You're my best friend, Logan. It's easier with you. Everything was easier with you guys."

"At least that's something that will never change," Carlos said wisely. "Logan is right, James. No one's going to judge you for asking for help. Actually, they'll be more likely to judge you if you _don't_ ask for help."

"There's nothing wrong with getting help if you need it, Jay. I know it won't be easy, but it will be worth it in the end."

James wished he could believe Logan so easily. He made it sound so simple. But that was where the two of them differed so dramatically. While Logan was humble and drive, James was proud and driven, a dangerous combination because when his pride fell, the rest of him followed quickly.

"Do you have any work due over Thanksgiving break?"

James knew where Logan was going with his question and he wanted to lie and tell him no. But he also knew that Logan, as well as Kendall and Carlos, would see straight through his lie. "A little," he admitted. "Because I'm so behind."

_Remember when we'd stay up late_

_and we'd talk all night_

_in a dark room lit by the TV light._

_Through all the hard times in my life_

_those nights kept me alive._

"Okay," Logan straightened up, his eyes bright with a familiar determination that made James smile in spite of his shame. "Starting tomorrow, you and I are going to meet in the library for at least two hours a day. Then," he added when James' shoulders started to slump. "Before I leave, we're going to get you a tutor you can help you while I'm not here."

"Logan-"

"James," Logan looked slightly annoyed. "Just trust me, okay? Give it a try."

James knew then that he didn't really have a choice. Logan, in his own subtle way, was calling him out on his stupid pride and gently but firmly telling him to get over it. He was right, as usual. And when he asked James to trust him, James gave up. "Okay," he said, giving in at last. "I'll try." At least Logan tutoring him whenever he was home would give him some sense of comfort.

"Now," Carlos ordered, reaching over to slap him on the back. "Cheer up! Kendall and Logan are here and we're going to make the most of it."

"Yeah, by studying," James groaned good naturedly.

"Carlos," Logan said, turning to his younger friend. "Why don't you help James out when I'm not here?"

"Me?" Carlos asked, looking stunned. "Why me?" he glanced around to see that James and Kendall looked equally surprised by Logan's suggestion.

Logan rolled his eyes and gave Carlos a gentle shove. "Yes you. I talked to your dad earlier today while you were still in class. I stopped by to say hi and catch up with him."

Carlos looked pleased at the mention of Logan hanging out with his father, but it wasn't enough to distract him completely. "What did you talk about?" he asked, feeling like he already knew the answer.

Logan smiled broadly and he almost looked like Carlos' dad with all the undisguised pride in his eyes. "He just told me how well you're doing in all your classes." he answered vaguely, making Kendall and James even more curious.

"Carlos?" James asked before he could think about it.

"Thanks a lot, James!" Carlos laughed. "Your surprise is really encouraging."

"Carlos, this is fantastic!" Logan exclaimed. "Why haven't you told anyone?"

"Wait a minute," Kendall interrupted, looking confused. "Exactly what is going on?"

Carlos shot Logan a pleading look full of embarrassment which Logan ignored completely. "Carlos wrote a paper for his English class and his professor wanted to give him an A for the entire semester." he said, sounding almost smug while Carlos turned bright red. "His bio and math professors both asked him what he was doing in their beginner's level classes."

"Carlos, that's great, buddy!" Kendall gave Carlos a high-five. "Why haven't you told any of us?"

Carlos shrugged modestly. "It's not a big deal."

"It's a _huge_ deal," Logan said with a small scowl of disapproval. "You should be proud of yourself, Carlos."

"Right back at you," Carlos replied, making Kendall and James laugh.

"He got you there, Logie." Kendall pointed out. "Hey Carlos, humility is all well and good, but maybe you and Logan need to start sharing it."

"Can you and James share some of your pride?" Logan shot back with a grin. He sobered up and glanced over at Carlos. "Seriously, buddy. Don't waste your talents."

"It's just not something I'm used to," Carlos admitted uncomfortably. He relaxed though and smiled. "I can try and help you, James. We can see if it works. I don't know if I have the patience Logan has but we can find out if you want." James nodded agreeably and Carlos looked back at Logan. "I still want to go to police academy, but I promise I'll do something. . . academically challenging next semester. Okay?"

_We'd listen to the radio play all night,_

_didn't want to go home to another fight._

_Through all the hard times in my life,_

_those nights kept me alive._

Logan looked pleased and satisfied. "Good. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, how's your girlfriend, Carlos?"

"Me again?" Carlos stifled a groan and shoved James who had snorted at Logan's question. "Let's talk about you and Kendall. How's college? How's home?"

Logan felt Kendall stiffen next to him and hurried to change the subject again. "Why don't you want to talk about your girlfriend though? What's her name again?"

"Elisa," Carlos mumbled. "I think I have to break up with her."

The distant look on Kendall's face was exchanged for concern. "Why?"

"Because she hates us." James said, ducking away from Logan's shove.

"It's sort of true," Carlos admitted, ashamed that he had let the relationship last as long as he had. "She never wants to hear about you guys or hang out when you're home."

"We met her once," Logan recalled. "She seemed nice enough. What happened?"

"I think that was just for show. She's very. . . clingy. Like she wants me all to herself." Carlos felt so out of his element, talking about such a huge girl problem. He wished not for the first time that he could go back to where he thought girls had cooties and were to be avoided at all costs.

"Poor Carlos," Kendall said, teasing and sympathetic at the same time. "I was wondering when it would happen. Even you aren't immune to girl problems."

"So why haven't you broken up with her yet?" James asked. Understandably, he would ask that. While Kendall and Logan had remained mostly ignorant to Elisa and Carlos' odd relationship, it was James who had needed to deal with her the most.

"I want to. . ." Carlos trailed off. "I just don't want to hurt her."

"You've always been too good a person for your own good." Kendall muttered. "Carlos, you deserve someone better. You deserve someone who makes you happy. She obviously doesn't make you happy with the way she wants to avoid anything to do with us. Honestly? It doesn't bother me that she doesn't like us. It bothers me that she upsets you so much."

"I just. . . don't really know how to break up with a girl. With Stephanie and I. . . it was mutual." Carlos sighed. "I miss her."

"Steph?" Logan asked, looking surprised.

"She made me happy."

"Julie made me happy," James added.

"Then why did you guys break up with them?" Kendall asked with mild irritation. "I always thought you were all perfect together."

"I don't know," James said, answering for both of them because Carlos was still at a loss for words to properly explain. "The distance explanation is all I have I guess. It was hard to be so far away from her. But now that we aren't together anymore. . ."

"I miss her even more." Carlos finished.

Logan chewed on his bottom lip, deep in thought. "Maybe," he said carefully. "You guys should reconsider." That was all he said on the matter and once again, they fell into a fairly comfortable silence, each with their own thoughts.

"How come everything is so much simpler with you guys around?" James asked, half complaining.

"Because we know you better than we know yourself," Kendall pointed out with a grin.

"I'm glad you're both home," Carlos sighed. "We'll miss you when you go back."

"Sorry to drag you away from home." James apologized.

Kendall grew distracted again, staring thoughtfully into the fire. "We don't mind," he said quietly. "Things are weird at home anyway." He glanced up at James and Carlos who looked like they knew what he was talking about. "Did you know that our mom was. . . seeing someone?"

"Thomas is a nice guy," Carlos replied, looking away from Kendall's stare. "Your mom was lonely after you guys left and Katie got so busy in high school and everything."

"She could have gone to your houses and talked to your moms, couldn't she?" Kendall asked desperately.

"Kendall, why are you so against your mom seeing someone again? Your dad is remarried." James knew to tread carefully but his confusion was honesty and understandable.

"That's different," Kendall said, feeling like a grumpy and stubborn five-year-old. "I don't live with my dad. Do you have any idea what is was like for us to come home and have some stranger sitting in our living room?"

"Weird?" Carlos guessed.

"Logan and I were talking about it before we came over," Kendall said, glancing at his brother. "I just. . . I feel like I'm being replaced by someone I don't even know." It felt even sillier when he said it aloud.

Logan sighed. "Kendall, I already told you that you could never be replaced by anyone. That's. . . it's just a really stupid thing to even think. Even Thomas knew that when he met you. But he likes Mom and Mom likes him and what's the harm in that?"

"Listen to Logan," James said. "He has all the answers tonight."

Logan laughed at that. "Hardly," he said. "I think I have more questions than answers." He quickly dismissed their curious stares and looked back at Kendall. "Kendall, I don't know what's going to happen with Mom and Thomas. But I do know that if she had to choose between you and Thomas. . . it wouldn't even be a choice for her."

Deep down, Kendall knew that. But that wasn't the only thing that was bothering him about Thomas. "What happens if they get married-" he cut himself off and quickly held up his hands to signal silence from his friends. "I know that it's only been three weeks, but hear me out. What if they get married and. . . and she doesn't need me as much?"

Carlos stared at him. "I think. . . we should throw him in the pond," he said to James and Logan. "He's clearly not thinking straight. Kendall, really? After all this time, you really think that some guy is going to change how much your mom needs you?"

"Maybe," Kendall mumbled.

"You're such an idiot," Logan said softly. "That's not going to happen, Kendall. I promise."

It was a strange thing for Logan to promise, but somehow Kendall found it easy to believe him. Perhaps because of what he himself had said to James earlier. They knew each other better than they knew themselves. They trusted each other to know that. It had worked out before and there was no reason to believe that it wouldn't work out again. Grateful, Kendall brought an arm around Logan's shoulders and pulled him close. "I've missed this," he said quietly.

They all did. College had brought more challenges than the academic and social struggles they found themselves facing. Because for the first time, they were facing these challenges for the most part, by themselves. It was bound to happen one day but that didn't make it any easier. Carlos glanced around at the solemn faces. "So, Logie." he said. "What's new with you?"

"_I remember when we used to laugh,_

_now I wish those nights would last._

"Right," Kendall looked up. "You mentioned you had some things on your mind. What's up?" He frowned when he felt Logan tense underneath his arm. "Is something wrong, Logan?"

"No really," Logan answered evasively.

"Logan, come on. You listened to us whine and vent. It's your turn." James shivered as a gust of wind blew. "Hurry up too. It's getting cold."

Logan smiled slightly but then soon went back to looking troubled. "It's just something that's been on my mind because of premed school," he told them. "In one of my classes we've been looking at. . . diseases," his voice faltered slightly but he forced himself to keep going. "Lately, it seems like all we've talked about is. . . is cancer. And I guess it brought back some bad memories."

Kendall, James, and Carlos were quiet. They lived in constant fear that their best friend would get sick again, but he had never mentioned it himself. For so long they had thought it was he who had been able to move on, only to discover now that he was being pursued by the same fear as them. James felt all of his own worries and fears vanish completely when he saw the unhidden fear on Logan's face. "Logie," he said softly, his voice breaking a little.

"I just. . ." Logan trailed off, struggling to go on. "I'm so afraid sometimes, especially when all I hear from my professors are the odds of it coming back and the odds of it going away again. I don't want to get sick like that again. I don't want to be dying and for you guys to have to see that again. I'm afraid that I _will _get sick again and that this time-"

"Logan, stop." Carlos pleaded, wanting to be seven so he could cover his ears.

Kendall felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. He had been so caught up in college and the hockey team and then Thomas and his mother, that he had completely forgotten about Logan. He had never thought for one second that Logan could be so afraid. He had fought cancer so bravely before and rarely ever brought it up in conversations. Kendall had assumed that it was because Logan was so humble and didn't like to talk about himself. He never thought that it might be because he was actually afraid. Now, looking at him, Kendall realized how fragile and vulnerable Logan looked.

"I'm sorry," Logan apologized, looking regretful that he had brought it up for everyone to think about. "It's just hard to ignore when I'm kind of surrounded by it."

"I- We never knew you felt that way," Kendall spoke for all of them. "It's so hard to tell when you're afraid, Logan."

"Who likes to admit that they're afraid of something?" Logan pointed out. "Especially if it's something like this and it brings everyone down. Mostly, I don't think about it. It's kind of irrational because there wouldn't be much anyone could do if it did happen. Only what we did last time. I just. . . I don't want to do any of that again." 

Kendall tightened his arm around Logan, trying to offer him comfort when he was so shaken. "Logie, more than anything else in the world, I hope it doesn't happen again. But if it does-" his voice shook so much that he had to break off before continuing. "If it does, then I promise you that you won't be alone."

"I know I won't," Logan said quietly. "And sometimes that's what scares me the most. Because the worst part of being sick the first time was watching all of you fall apart like you did." He glanced up to met James' gaze and saw his fear reflected back at him in his friend's eyes.

"That," Carlos said seriously. "Is the one thing we'll do differently." He wanted the conversation to be over. He didn't want to talk or even think about Logan's cancer coming back. The idea terrified him. But Logan had given them all so much that night, that they had to give something back. "Buddy, no matter what happens, we're going to stick together. We'll be fine."

James knew that he needed to say something but his brain had stopped functioning. A rush of unwelcome memories had invaded him. Logan collapsing at the hockey rink, Logan in the hospital bed, Logan throwing up _blood_, Logan _dying, _Logan-

"James?"

Logan's voice of all things brought James back to the present. "Sorry," he stammered, brushing a hand over his face. "Smoke in my eyes." He sniffed. He moved abruptly so that he was sitting on Logan's other side. It pained him to see the terror that was so clear. "Carlos is right," he said as firmly as he could. "We'll be fine. Especially you. Because. . . because you're not going to get sick again. You're going to become a doctor and discover and cure for cancer so that no one will ever have to be afraid of it again."

How James could sound so convincing when his statement was so out there, Logan couldn't understand. But he didn't care. He didn't care that the chances of anyone discovering a cure for cancer were incredibly slim. What he did care about was the surprising amount of determination in James' voice when he spoke. He wasn't that emotionally fragile seventeen-year-old that had terrified Logan so much. He was stronger now and that made things so much easier.

_Those nights belong to us._

_There's nothing wrong with us._

"Are you okay?" Kendall asked softly.

Tears stung Logan's eyes, a combination from the comfort he had received from his friends and the smoke that _was_ blowing in their faces now. He ducked his head a little and nodded. "I always will be." he told them.

Kendall gave him another reassuring squeeze and then stood up. "Come on," he said, pulling Logan to his feet as well, resisting the urge to strangle him with a hug to make sure that he was okay. "It's too cold out here to stay for much longer. Let's put the fire out and head over to our house."

"Even with Thomas?" Carlos ventured.

"Yeah," Kendall gave a small, hesitant nod. "Maybe I should get to know him better. And if he bothers me too much," he added with a smile. "We can always go in the basement and watch some hockey."

"That's what he really wants to do," Logan laughed, rubbing his hands together. "Hey. I'm all for anything that gets me inside where it's warm. Let's go home."

**A/N. I feel ridiculously accomplished to finish this story even though it was only four chapters long. I hope you all liked it! Thanks for reading and reviewing. "TH1RTEEN R3ASONS" is next on my list as well as a bunch of one-shots/song fics. Have a great weekend, everyone!**


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